There's More To Life Than Great Beer. (Right?)

The last time I posted something here was in the late 17th century, during the latter days of the reign of King Charles II.

Or at least that's how it feels... and lately I've started to wonder why.

Having enthusiastically churned out around 160 reviews of beers from across the world, why would I suddenly lose the will?

It's not as though I've stopped getting excited about beer. After all, it's arguable that things have never been so exciting in the ever-widening world of brewing - as my three most recent acquisitions (pictured above) demonstrate with mouth-watering panache.

And it's not as though I've grown tired of writing either. During this period of blog silence I've been tinkering away with screenplays, revisiting old novel manuscripts (pretty decent one of them is, too) as well as knocking out the odd beer descriptor for any breweries which ask me to do so.

So what's my problem?

Well, after a lot of thought, I suspect I may have found the answer...

I think there may be more to life than beer.

I won't blame you for reading that last sentence three or four times, I know it's hard to compute.

But I have reason to believe it must be true because very often, when I sit down to extrapolate my views on yet another golden beer from the South East of England, I find I'm actually suppressing a more urgent need to talk about something else entirely. This suppressed 'something' comes in many forms, depending on what's going on in the world, it really could be anything, even something which - just imagine - hasn't the merest connection with beer at all.

So, having had this realisation - I've decided to shake things up and make some changes to this site. I'm going to break free from the shackles of my own design concept and use this quiet corner of the Webosphere to bleat on about whatever the heck happens to be on my mind. Who knows, maybe that other side of my life - that which involves prancing around in front of film cameras - might find a voice here. It seems that my rather odd profession can sometimes be of mild interest to many of you humanoids, so maybe it wouldn't hurt to share some of my 'on-set' experiences.

Maybe something will make me laugh or get me raging and I'll feel sufficiently compelled to share it. I don't really know how this will go, to be honest.

Beer will continue to feature, that's a given. Some beers are just too good to ignore. As things stand, the hyper intensity of creative energy, the abundant raw talent, and the sheer hard graft going on within the brewing industry will guarantee that I continue to get vocal from time to time.

But the unfortunate flipside of these unprecedented levels of brewing endeavour is that there is now way too much beer out there, and a lot of it simply doesn't inspire. So from now on only the brews that genuinely raise my spirits will be given air time here. Expect to find brews from Mikkeller, Avery, Evil Twin, Magic Rock, Kernel, Thornbridge, BrewDog, Russian River, Marble, Angel City, Cigar City, Beavertown, Sly Fox, Bear Republic and plenty more firms that fit comfortably onto this "kind" of list.

(You know what "kind" I'm talking about. Some like to call it "Craft Beer". Others then demand a more detailed explanation of what "craft" means. Then someone fetches a shotgun because they're so sick and tired of all this aimless, soul-destroying infighting.)

Anyway, there you have it. It's official. The Bottled Beer Year is back in action, replete with fancy new bells and whistles, and henceforth it will be - rather like life itself - about much more than pleasant tasting liquid.

I hope you'll stay tuned, and maybe you'll even enjoy it.

In the meantime, I'm going back on set.


(N.B. - The beers pictured are 'Gamma Ray' American Pale Ale from Beavertown, '113 IPA' India Pale Ale from Sly Fox and 'I Beat You' Imperial IPA from Mikkeller.  Each can now be found on the High Score Chart.)

Day 155, Beer 155 - Thornbridge's "Chiron"

Today's Beer

Name – Chiron

Brewer – Thornbridge

Classification – American Pale Ale

Strength – 5.0% ABV

Verdict - At A Glance

On the eye – Deep, rich, comic malevolent laughter inducing orange amber. 

On the nose – The aromatic equivalent of an earthquake. One whiff will literally tear your house down. Apples, pears, grapefruit, nectarines, lime, black pepper, shaking walls, falling masonry...

On the tongue – A bewilderingly complex, exuberant, but refreshingly mild mannered, perhaps even 'gentle' expression of modern brewing capability.

On the subject – I think I can safely say Thornbridge is one of the best and most revered craft breweries in Britain today. Yes, I think I can safely say that. The only objections to this claim might be about my use of the word 'craft', and demands might follow about what exactly I mean by that. I will point those making such complaints in the general direction of their own backsides.

On the market – Well, given their ever enlarging reputation, the reach of Thornbridge is better than most 'craft' (yes, there it is again, just deal with it) breweries, but that really serves to illustrate my point about how poorly represented all the best contemporary UK beers are in the wider marketplace. Anyway, contact the brewery directly for sales info, or try The Real Ale Store.

On the whole – 9/10

Full Review

Okay, there's been a certain amount of specific 'talk' about this beer lately, so let me just get right to the heart of the matter.

As many of you will know, Thornbridge brew a beer called Jaipur, which is considered a modern classic by the majority of idiots like me who enjoy beer so much that they sit down and write about it.

Comparisons between these two stable-mates have sparked quite a bit of discussion in the murky realms of beer appreciation.

So here's my contribution to the debate...

I do not prefer today's beer to Jaipur.

There, I said it.

However, upon further inspection, this declaration is far more nonsensical than it might first appear.

It's rather like saying - “I don't prefer this snowflake to that other one.”

Actually, it's even closer to saying - “The bright star up there on the left has less appeal to me than its equally twinkly neighbour”.

Now, it could be very easily argued that one snowflake is different from another, but it would take an exceptionally well made argument to successfully convince a neutral observer than one snowflake is better than the other.

Likewise, what evidence could back up a claim that the heavenly body we call Sirius twinkles more pleasingly than that which we've name Polaris? Sure, one star might appear bigger to us... but better?

I think you get my gist. 

Jaipur and Chiron are both stunning examples of their kind. Quite simply, Thornbridge have developed a habit of creating individual products that are all stellar* in their own right.

(* - Not to be confused with 'Stella', for more reasons than I could list in one lifetime.)

Indeed, in many ways these two beers are pretty similar. The are both highly hopped, underpinned with delicate savoury malt base, and chiefly characterised by a super-complex matrix of citrus, floral, tree fruit and soft spice flavour themes which drop your jaw and keep it dropped till it damn well hurts. So numerous are these two beers' similarities, that I reckon someone who's never drunk beer before might not even spot a difference. (After all, we all still know people who think 'bitter' is just 'brown lager.')

But the reality is there are a whole bunch of differences, and although I like a lot of the elements which set Chiron apart from Jaipur, there are few aspects that just don't hit my own personal 'B-spot' in the quite the same way.

It's not the flavours that (microscopically) miss the target. Oh boy no! Chiron thrills with delectable swathes of elderflower, rosewater, grapes, watermelon and mango. It's wonderfully vibrant, fresh, uplifting to the taste.

I think, if anything, it's the intensity of the overall experience which would lead me to opt for one of these beers over the other. Chiron is a subtly gentler giant, providing a slightly more 'laid back' experience throughout. That's all very well and good, and there will be folk who will instinctively vote in favour of that very quality. But for me, I just found myself wishing for something infinitesimally 'additional' from this beer. 

I wanted it to be exactly what it was – but be it a shade more.

At a considerably less potent 5.0% ABV, I did wonder if this is just the difference a slightly less robust alcohol content can make to the character of a beer. And maybe that's what also accounts for the slight sense of comparative thinness in the body which, again, is the kind of thing that suits some people more than others. Personally, with beers of this kind, I've found all kinds of consistencies can work very well, and I couldn't say that was a problem for me here.

(Incidentally, many beer writers refer to the aspect of a beer's physical characteristics as 'mouthfeel' – a term I dislike enormously and avoid using because it always makes me imagine sexually repressed dentists.)

(Don't worry, I'm seeking help...)

Look, I really am splitting hairs here. The fact is that Chiron is one of the best brews around. It really is that simple. Yes, it walks somewhat in the shadow of one of the finest beers of our time, and comparisons will always be made - but none of that is any of it's own fault.

It's an exquisitely crafted contemporary high-hopped beer, with a dazzling array of carefully assembled flavours and it's just about as rewarding as pouring liquid into your face can get.

It's another Thornbridge modern great, and you should go out and buy yourself at least one bottle of it at your very earliest convenience.

In the meantime, I'm going to continue wishing on that star just a little over to the right.

I almost convinced it twinkles better.

Day 151, Beer 151 - Salopian's "Oracle"

Today's Beer

Name – Oracle

Brewer – Salopian

Classification – Golden Ale

Strength – 4.0% ABV

Verdict - At A Glance

On the eye – Pale, suspiciously hypnotic straw gold.

On the nose – Generous amounts of citrusy marvellousness. (Sometimes only made up words will do.)

On the tongue – A massive grapefruit-heavy thwack from an implausibly 'light' beer. Astounding.

On the subject – Well, there's really too much to neatly sum up here... (Read on.) 

On the market – Oh, how I tire of revealing that a fabulous beer is hard to come by! Shrewsbury based Salopian work overtime providing their own decent coverage of the western areas of England but, like so many other superb small breweries, they can only reach so far. (Will someone please tell the major supermarkets there's been a beer revolution going on for a few years now!) This rare specimen was retrieved by trained specialists at Newark's Real Ale Store.

On the whole – 8.5/10

Full Review

Why aren't the majority of the best UK beers available in supermarkets?

I'm obviously not talking about the beers which are 'known as' being the best – those beers which hog the often minuscule areas set aside for 'proper beer' which come from the likes of Greene King, Badger, Marston's, Greene King and... well, Greene King. These beers are fine in themselves, many of them are more than 'fine', but nobody who follows the beer scene still believes any of these brews represent the best of what's being produced in Britain today.

In fact, most beer aficionados (one of which I hope to be when I grow up) have spent the last five years or so watching a gargantuan gulf opening up between those beers which have been sharing the crown for many decades – and those entirely different beers which really ought to be wearing it now.

But when I walk into most supermarkets, certainly those I work or live nearby, I find I'm still asking myself the same old question...

“Where's all the good stuff?”

Incredibly, after a period of such ferocious evolution and creativity within the beer industry, as things stand the only way of seeing bottles of Thornbridge standing shoulder to shoulder with concoctions from Kernel, Magic Rock, Brew Dog, Marble, and any number of other 'well known' contemporary breweries – is at a specialist retailer or within the dispassionate confines of a specialist dealer's website.

I find this bizarre. It's also hugely frustrating.

Most of all though, it's plain old unacceptable.

These massively exciting beers should either be getting some of the existing 'proper beer' shelf space in big supermarkets, or preferably they should be getting a section all of their own. After all, what possible commonalities do Fursty Ferret and Bombardier share with beers such as Jaipur, 5AMSaint, or Conqueror 1075?

Beyond the fact these are all beers – what else is even remotely similar about them?

So come on ASDA, come on Tesco, Sainsbury's, and Morrisson's – aka “The Big Four” – it's time for you all to help your customers to take part in this new and exciting consumer experience. Quite apart from the public service aspect, you're also guaranteed to increase your profits massively, as an entirely new demographic suddenly adds its ever-growing ranks to your checkout lines.

I can but dream...

Until then, I'll just tell you about another fantastic beer you probably won't currently find in your local supermarket, another beer which could be greatly improving your day if only you could get your hands on it.

Oracle is actually something of a liquid surprise. At 4.0% ABV, you could be excused for expecting a beer that's light in impact as well as in alcohol content. This is very much not the case. Many breweries in the aforementioned 'contemporary proper beer' arena take great delight in demonstrating to us just how much flavour can be crammed into drinks of relatively low or 'sessionable' strength, but Salopian have clearly gone to extraordinary lengths here to create what could well be the very best example of this low booze, high taste concept.

Swathes of vivid grapefruit, kiwi, lime, pineapple, orange and gooseberry tumble over each other against a backdrop of subtle savoury biscuit, granary bread and pine nuts. It's not just the wealth of flavours, but the sheer potency of them which instantly and continuously impresses.

Light bodied, infused with a glorious sense of freshness and a stunning clarity of construction, this is a perfect summertime beer which is light enough to stick with until sundown. Here in the gloomiest depths of winter though, I found the experience every bit as gratifying.

I just wish more of us could share in the delights of beers like this without having to drive thirty miles (like I did) or searching around online only to be further restricted into making a bulk purchase.

Change is already long overdue.

Over to you, “The Big Four”.

Day 107, Beer 107 - Thornbridge's "Jaipur"

Today's Beer

EDITOR'S NOTE -

THIS REVIEW IS TO BE VIEWED AS AN HISTORICAL RECORD ONLY.

SUBSEQUENT BOTTLES OF THIS BEER HAVE ALL BEEN ASTONISHING. IT SEEMS ENTIRELY POSSIBLE A 'DUFF' SAMPLE WAS USED FOR THIS REVIEW. (IT CAN HAPPEN.)

JAIPUR IS FAR BETTER THAN MY FIRST IMPRESSION HERE IMPLIES, THE SCORE HAS BEEN UPDATED ACCORDINGLY.




Name – Jaipur

Brewer – Thornbridge

Classification – IPA (Which means it is now official - 'IPA' has no meaning to me any more. Read on...)

Strength – 5.9% ABV

Verdict - At A Glance

On the eye – Gold infused grapefruit juice.

On the nose – Sharp, vivid citrus. Like grapefruit juice.

On the tongue – Grapefruit jui... Look, I'd really better skip these bits. Just bear with me and read on...

On the subject – I sometimes wonder how 'big' the world of craft beer really is when so many people I know still haven't heard of one of the mightiest and most venerated breweries in the sector. But that's precisely what Derbyshire's Thornbridge are, and a stack of major industry awards only partly explains why.

On the market – Pretty widespread and only getting wider. If your local supermarket won't, then the Internet will at The Real Ale Store.

On the whole – 9.5/10* (See note above)

Full Review

And so it came to pass that I finally threw in the towel.

The 'IPA Definition Towel', that is.

Basically, if today's beer is an IPA (India Pale Ale), and yet Greene King's is also an IPA, and then Meantime's is an IPA too, and Okell's is an IPA, and Fuller's is an IPA, and Brooklyn's is an IPA (albeit an 'East' IPA) as well as many others like 'Proper Job', 'Deuchars' and 'Torpedo Extra' – then I can no longer hope to explain to the proverbial Man From Mars what an IPA actually is.

An even harder thing to explain to an alien would be what makes an ale not an IPA.

I think I'd just have to casually refer to the history of the drink, talk a little about hops and ships, before asking the alien not to ask too many questions. But even if I tried my hardest, I'm sure he'd still stare at the line-up of brews I just listed feeling far more like alien than he ever did before, and who could blame the poor guy.

Usually, when dealing with such matters, many of my fellow beer bloggers like to say – 'a beer is whatever the brewery says it is.'

And perhaps therein lies the problem. An IPA is merely any beer which a brewery has decided to call an IPA.

By that reckoning I can quickly and easily understand why this golden ale entitled 'Jaipur' is in fact an IPA.

Just like Green King's traditional bitter is an IPA.

And just like Meantime's English-brewed American-inspired 'English-style ale' is an IPA.

I'm not struggling with the science here, or with the brewing process, because levels of attenuation, alcohol content, colour, texture, taste, hop varieties, malt varieties – are simply all over the place amongst the range beers currently being sold as IPA's.

It seems to me that IPA – the term 'IPA' itself as opposed to what the term IPA might actually mean – is just plain old 'trendy' these days, and this is probably best summed-up by the upcoming global event 'IPA Day.'

Boy, would that really not be a good day for the Man From Mars to show up!

So intensely en vogue are the letters 'IPA' that every brewery needs something new and exciting called an IPA on their list in order not to look out of touch. But it really does seem that just about any new brew will fit the glass IPA slipper – regardless of what this means to the poor customer stood at the bar scratching his head clean off.

Anyway, if knocking out all manner of different beers under one increasingly meaningless umbrella results in great beer being created, then I suppose it's all well and good. I mean, who really cares what an 'IPA' really is, or what a 'bitter' really is, or what the even more indefinable 'ale' really is.

If it's a good drink, it's a good drink. Right?

Well, rather fortuitously, it has quickly become pretty clear to me that Jaipur is a 'good drink'.

It's nice to be clear about something.

But to say I was surprised by the drink that came out of a bottle marked 'IPA' is something of an understatement. If the label had read 'golden ale' or 'blonde ale' or something equally out of fashion, I might have been a little less taken aback by the faint pastel yellow, highly translucent, light bodied and rather delicious alcoholic grapefruit juice which appeared before me.

There is almost no detectable trace of malt in this drink. There is no certainly no sense of balance between malt and hops. This characteristic does of course lend itself to the name IPA, as the very first India Pale Ale's did tend to be highly hopped.

But beers like this are not simply highly hopped.

In effect – they are only hopped.

That's all.

They are just epic wide-screen battles in which vast armies of certain citrus flavours attempt to conquer vast armies of certain other citrus flavours.

In previous millennia, 'balance' used to refer to the relationship between hop and malt, whereas these days it frequently refers only to the relationship between one high pitched hop and any number of even higher pitched hops. It's basically about the balance between hop, skip and jump.

Yes, there may be microscopic hints of all kinds of further flavours, but the citrus here is so mighty that only the most pedantic and determined of taste buds are going to care about – or even notice – anything else.

Hugely, unashamedly, and (as it happens) really quite hypnotically hopped is what this beer is, and I do have to say that it is among the freshest, cleanest and most dynamic taste experiences I know of within the world of alcoholic beverages. In fact, there really is something quite genuinely awe-inspiring about the impact of this drink.

But I just don't taste beer.

I certainly taste something – it's possible that I taste more than I do in most other drinks on the planet. But it's the most unceasingly delicious and exquisitely crafted alcoholic fruit drink on Earth, when what I really wanted to drink was an ale.

In the end, it's simply a personal preference thing. A straightforward 'my cup of tea' thing.

Personally, I like my 'cup of tea' to be a more well-rounded affair, and I really am growing tired of this unceasing trend toward ever more 'massive' hops.

If you are into that sort of thing, then the current beer scene must feel like the greatest thrill ride imaginable.

But for many of us, it's just kinda dull and frustrating.

My great solace is in the knowledge that fashion is fickle. I keenly await the inevitable shift away from high citrus yellow beers, and for the tide to gently roll back in favour of the nut, the biscuit, the granary loaf, and the copper hue.

Believe me, I dislike sweet, malty, soupy ales as much as anyone. These horrid beers are the very reason this hop-fuelled march began in the first place, and I thank Heaven and the likes of Thornbridge for that. But the reality is that I'm also left largely cold and unmoved by these hop-aggressive one trick ponies.

Might it not be time to start taking baby steps toward the middle ground again?

I first discovered a love of beer via the likes of Pedigree, Draught Bass and the greatly missed Museum Ale from Sam Smith.

Any brewery who reappraises, redefines and reworks these kinds of drinks would doubtless lead a whole new march of their own.

I live in hope.

In the meantime, let me end with this...

A toffee apple without toffee is not a toffee apple.

It's just an apple.

These totally hop-dominant beers nearly always bring this thought to mind.