There's More To Life Than Great Beer. (Right?)

The last time I posted something here was in the late 17th century, during the latter days of the reign of King Charles II.

Or at least that's how it feels... and lately I've started to wonder why.

Having enthusiastically churned out around 160 reviews of beers from across the world, why would I suddenly lose the will?

It's not as though I've stopped getting excited about beer. After all, it's arguable that things have never been so exciting in the ever-widening world of brewing - as my three most recent acquisitions (pictured above) demonstrate with mouth-watering panache.

And it's not as though I've grown tired of writing either. During this period of blog silence I've been tinkering away with screenplays, revisiting old novel manuscripts (pretty decent one of them is, too) as well as knocking out the odd beer descriptor for any breweries which ask me to do so.

So what's my problem?

Well, after a lot of thought, I suspect I may have found the answer...

I think there may be more to life than beer.

I won't blame you for reading that last sentence three or four times, I know it's hard to compute.

But I have reason to believe it must be true because very often, when I sit down to extrapolate my views on yet another golden beer from the South East of England, I find I'm actually suppressing a more urgent need to talk about something else entirely. This suppressed 'something' comes in many forms, depending on what's going on in the world, it really could be anything, even something which - just imagine - hasn't the merest connection with beer at all.

So, having had this realisation - I've decided to shake things up and make some changes to this site. I'm going to break free from the shackles of my own design concept and use this quiet corner of the Webosphere to bleat on about whatever the heck happens to be on my mind. Who knows, maybe that other side of my life - that which involves prancing around in front of film cameras - might find a voice here. It seems that my rather odd profession can sometimes be of mild interest to many of you humanoids, so maybe it wouldn't hurt to share some of my 'on-set' experiences.

Maybe something will make me laugh or get me raging and I'll feel sufficiently compelled to share it. I don't really know how this will go, to be honest.

Beer will continue to feature, that's a given. Some beers are just too good to ignore. As things stand, the hyper intensity of creative energy, the abundant raw talent, and the sheer hard graft going on within the brewing industry will guarantee that I continue to get vocal from time to time.

But the unfortunate flipside of these unprecedented levels of brewing endeavour is that there is now way too much beer out there, and a lot of it simply doesn't inspire. So from now on only the brews that genuinely raise my spirits will be given air time here. Expect to find brews from Mikkeller, Avery, Evil Twin, Magic Rock, Kernel, Thornbridge, BrewDog, Russian River, Marble, Angel City, Cigar City, Beavertown, Sly Fox, Bear Republic and plenty more firms that fit comfortably onto this "kind" of list.

(You know what "kind" I'm talking about. Some like to call it "Craft Beer". Others then demand a more detailed explanation of what "craft" means. Then someone fetches a shotgun because they're so sick and tired of all this aimless, soul-destroying infighting.)

Anyway, there you have it. It's official. The Bottled Beer Year is back in action, replete with fancy new bells and whistles, and henceforth it will be - rather like life itself - about much more than pleasant tasting liquid.

I hope you'll stay tuned, and maybe you'll even enjoy it.

In the meantime, I'm going back on set.


(N.B. - The beers pictured are 'Gamma Ray' American Pale Ale from Beavertown, '113 IPA' India Pale Ale from Sly Fox and 'I Beat You' Imperial IPA from Mikkeller.  Each can now be found on the High Score Chart.)

Day 151, Beer 151 - Salopian's "Oracle"

Today's Beer

Name – Oracle

Brewer – Salopian

Classification – Golden Ale

Strength – 4.0% ABV

Verdict - At A Glance

On the eye – Pale, suspiciously hypnotic straw gold.

On the nose – Generous amounts of citrusy marvellousness. (Sometimes only made up words will do.)

On the tongue – A massive grapefruit-heavy thwack from an implausibly 'light' beer. Astounding.

On the subject – Well, there's really too much to neatly sum up here... (Read on.) 

On the market – Oh, how I tire of revealing that a fabulous beer is hard to come by! Shrewsbury based Salopian work overtime providing their own decent coverage of the western areas of England but, like so many other superb small breweries, they can only reach so far. (Will someone please tell the major supermarkets there's been a beer revolution going on for a few years now!) This rare specimen was retrieved by trained specialists at Newark's Real Ale Store.

On the whole – 8.5/10

Full Review

Why aren't the majority of the best UK beers available in supermarkets?

I'm obviously not talking about the beers which are 'known as' being the best – those beers which hog the often minuscule areas set aside for 'proper beer' which come from the likes of Greene King, Badger, Marston's, Greene King and... well, Greene King. These beers are fine in themselves, many of them are more than 'fine', but nobody who follows the beer scene still believes any of these brews represent the best of what's being produced in Britain today.

In fact, most beer aficionados (one of which I hope to be when I grow up) have spent the last five years or so watching a gargantuan gulf opening up between those beers which have been sharing the crown for many decades – and those entirely different beers which really ought to be wearing it now.

But when I walk into most supermarkets, certainly those I work or live nearby, I find I'm still asking myself the same old question...

“Where's all the good stuff?”

Incredibly, after a period of such ferocious evolution and creativity within the beer industry, as things stand the only way of seeing bottles of Thornbridge standing shoulder to shoulder with concoctions from Kernel, Magic Rock, Brew Dog, Marble, and any number of other 'well known' contemporary breweries – is at a specialist retailer or within the dispassionate confines of a specialist dealer's website.

I find this bizarre. It's also hugely frustrating.

Most of all though, it's plain old unacceptable.

These massively exciting beers should either be getting some of the existing 'proper beer' shelf space in big supermarkets, or preferably they should be getting a section all of their own. After all, what possible commonalities do Fursty Ferret and Bombardier share with beers such as Jaipur, 5AMSaint, or Conqueror 1075?

Beyond the fact these are all beers – what else is even remotely similar about them?

So come on ASDA, come on Tesco, Sainsbury's, and Morrisson's – aka “The Big Four” – it's time for you all to help your customers to take part in this new and exciting consumer experience. Quite apart from the public service aspect, you're also guaranteed to increase your profits massively, as an entirely new demographic suddenly adds its ever-growing ranks to your checkout lines.

I can but dream...

Until then, I'll just tell you about another fantastic beer you probably won't currently find in your local supermarket, another beer which could be greatly improving your day if only you could get your hands on it.

Oracle is actually something of a liquid surprise. At 4.0% ABV, you could be excused for expecting a beer that's light in impact as well as in alcohol content. This is very much not the case. Many breweries in the aforementioned 'contemporary proper beer' arena take great delight in demonstrating to us just how much flavour can be crammed into drinks of relatively low or 'sessionable' strength, but Salopian have clearly gone to extraordinary lengths here to create what could well be the very best example of this low booze, high taste concept.

Swathes of vivid grapefruit, kiwi, lime, pineapple, orange and gooseberry tumble over each other against a backdrop of subtle savoury biscuit, granary bread and pine nuts. It's not just the wealth of flavours, but the sheer potency of them which instantly and continuously impresses.

Light bodied, infused with a glorious sense of freshness and a stunning clarity of construction, this is a perfect summertime beer which is light enough to stick with until sundown. Here in the gloomiest depths of winter though, I found the experience every bit as gratifying.

I just wish more of us could share in the delights of beers like this without having to drive thirty miles (like I did) or searching around online only to be further restricted into making a bulk purchase.

Change is already long overdue.

Over to you, “The Big Four”.

Day 69, Beer 69 - Brew Dog's "5 A.M. Saint"

Today's Beer





Name – 5 A.M. Saint

Brewer – Brew Dog

Classification – Amber Ale (I steadfastly refuse to write 'Iconoclastic Amber Ale' as the label would have me do. But then, there's a lot about this label that I choose to disregard. I have to, otherwise I'd never be able to drink it. Read on...)

Strength – 5 % ABV


Verdict - At A Glance

On the eye – Brooding, deepest walnut. Very handsome.

On the nose – Monumentally zingy hops. This is Citrus-Kong! Bonus wafts of pepper and spices. Utterly unique.

On the tongue – Complexity and nuance are both off the grid. Top end heavy, but deliciously so. Very special.

On the subject - As Scotland's largest independent brewery, Brew Dog have scampered along very impressively since their arrival on the market in 2007. Loved, loathed, but seldom ignored. But then, it's hard to ignore a dog that never stops barking.

On the market – The cult of Brew Dog has yet to reach it's goal of global domination. Will it ever? Well, maintaining such a diligently manipulated public image could become tedious to them, but failing that - global domination looks pretty likely. This bottle came from The Real Ale Store.

On the whole - 9/10


Full Review

I don't like Brew Dog.

The list of reasons is too lengthy for a single posting, but let me give you an example.

On the label of this beer bottle, Brew Dog have written "The UK beer scene is sick. We are the cure."

An earlier version - as displayed on their own promotional website - was phrased "The UK beer scene is sick. We are the fucking doctor."

Setting aside the earlier version (with it's revolutionary use of naughty language) - what you have here is the distilled essence of what this brewery's marketing strategy is all about.

Brash, boastful, brattish, and supposedly cool.

They're like that kid back in school who thought he was popular just because he was louder and ruder than everyone else. The kid who grew up to run his own car clamping firm, or sell expensive industrial vacuum cleaners to elderly widows.

Oh, how we all look back and regret not punching that kid square in the jaw! Why did we all smile along with this idiot for so long?

That's the Brew Dog public relations ethos. They've applied time, money and effort into making themselves 'be' the most irritating child in your class, the one who nobody ever dared to tell to 'shut up.'

Quite honestly, my eight year old son has a far greater flair for PR.

But then, eight year old kids are precisely who this beer is aimed at, as is made clear by the child-sized bottles it's sold in. (This is not a problem unique to this brewery, because like always, those who are scared tend to follow the bully...)

The chief reason why this particular label-quotation makes me resent the brewery with such unbridled enthusiasm, is because (aside from being massively cheesy) it is just plain old incorrect.

Having spent the last three months sampling bottle after bottle of beers from all across this country, I can say with absolute certainty that the 'UK beer scene' (the reductive phrase these guys use to describe the 'UK beer industry') is not nearly 'sick' as they claim, but is actually in the most excellent health - possibly better than ever before in it's long and illustrious history.

The only 'sickness' at work here is in the shape of a relatively new business deciding to drop it's trousers, crouch down and empty it's bowels upon every other firm in the sector - purely in order to make a splash, if you'll excuse the phrase.

Snore, snore, snore.

Good luck with that car clamping business.

The reality is that my eight year old son would instinctively know that taking the 'screw you - but love me' approach to marketing only works on the gullible, the timid, or those who actively enjoy being treated with disrespect.

This leaves every other drinker in the marketplace without a Brew Dog beer in his hand, because he will never buy products which tell him what a clown he is for doing so. (The rest of the label essentially tells the drinker what an ignoramus he probably is.)

Anyway, when it comes to the corporate image of this brewery, I think you get the idea.

But what of the important bit?

What about the beer they produce?

Incidentally, that really is the important bit - though it's not at all clear whether Brew Dog actually realise this, such is the emphasis on the aforementioned public image.

The other question, of course, was how the hell I would react if it transpired that their beer was actually pretty decent? I'd potentially be forced into a very tricky corner.

Imagine then, how unequivocally mortified I was rendered when - mere moments into the taste test of 5 A.M Saint - I became horribly and acutely aware that I was in the presence of one of the most sublime fluids I've ever encountered.

Actually, I think my very first though was - "The bastards!"

This beer is astonishingly delicious, and - in complete contrast to all the swagger and posturing of the branding - it is also exquisitely delicate, elegant and refined. It actually tastes 'friendly'. I could almost feel the beer apologising for the unruly behaviour of it's own label.

But, my goodness, how many ways did I enjoy this ale. And for how many varied reasons.

Newly-ripened grapefruit, spiced apple, fresh ginger, black pepper - all wonderfully distinct and vital, having been blended and crafted with the most distinguished skill and precision.

The supremely gifted craftspeople who work this palpable magic in the brewhouse are surely not the very same individuals who toss around lunatic marketing concepts like paper planes over in the office.

If they are the same - it would lend serious weight to the notion that even a genius is never good at everything.

The harsh reality is that Brew Dog's ultra-rubbish PR approach needs to be set aside - because this beer needs everyone, and I do mean everyone, to look beyond the branding and discover a brew of rarefied excellence. It is truly gorgeous, and it really has no business being sent-up and compromised by the irritating comedy exploits of an amoral vacuum cleaner salesman.

Like I said, I don't like Brew Dog.

Until their playground media mentality evolves, I'll always have trouble buying their products.

But there's very little point in pretending otherwise - I absolutely love their beer.