Togetherness. One Possible Future.

My last blog post about keg's absence from the Great British Beer Festival triggered some interesting reactions - some here, but predominantly on Twitter and in 'real life' (where, mercifully, the concept of good debate still endures in spite of social media.)

One of the comments left on that post hinted, quite reasonably, that I follow up on my observations with some action. Maybe in the form of an idea. After all, it's all very well highlighting what's wrong, but quite something else to find solutions.

So I've given it some thought, and I'm wondering if the answer may be more simple than many of us thought.

Firstly though, let's not beat about the bush. The problem for CAMRA is a very tough one.

How can they possibly embrace keg without betraying the essence of their core principles?

How can they be seen to undo all those decades of hard graft?

How could anyone spend years attaining victory over their version of the devil – only invite that very same devil to join their ranks?

It sounds impossible. And yet...

I think all talk of 'giving up principles' or 'betrayal of ideals' is actually a red herring.

I don't think CAMRA needs to change at all.

Not one bit.

They can keep a firm grip on their principles and ideals – whilst giving their blessing to new ideas which just happen not to involve the same adherence to the honourable CAMRA code.

There is a way CAMRA can remain distant from keg – whilst simultaneously offering gentle encouragement to any versions of the old enemy which appear to have mended their evil ways.

Basically, if deemed to have sufficient beer-loving merit, certain kegged beers could be invited to The Great British Beer Festival...

...as guests.

Not fellow exhibitors.

Guests.

A stall or area - perhaps named something like 'Guest Zone' or 'Twilight Zone' or 'Friendly Visitors From Space' or 'The Third Way' or 'Our Quirky Cousins' or 'Keg's Last Chance Saloon' - could be given over to the concept of reborn keg... and CAMRA could simultaneously remain entirely independent of it. No values would be betrayed, no code re-written, there'd be no need for embarrassment, explanation or confusion.

Basically, CAMRA could make it clear that whilst CAMRA is firmly for Real Ale, the Great British Beer Festival is open to ALL GOOD BEER.

10 years ago, Real Ale was the only good beer.

Things have been developing rather rapidly since then, and a gesture like this would quickly abort the need for any further parting of the ways between what have become two needlessly isolated camps.

Let me say at this point – having a separate CAMRA-backed 'craft beer' festival (one of which does exist at present) is not the same as offering a place at the year's major beer-related event. And let us remember that's exactly how the GBBF identifies itself. As a 'beer' festival. Not a 'cask beer' festival.  Surely any event using 'Great British Beer' in its name should not have a separate craft beer festival happening down the road. Anyone arriving from Mars wanting to learn what makes British beer so great would find the two separate competing venues a bit puzzling. “Is craft beer not great beer, then?”, they might very well ask, in Martian.

It is my firm belief that the ultimate ideal for everyone (even for CAMRA) is to enjoy beer that is properly good. Regardless of how it got that way. CAMRA battled to do away with the one size fits all beer production mentality that was killing creativity during the 1970's. They need to keep that battle raging – whilst being careful to recognise a fellow combatant when one arrives, however strangely dressed they might first appear.

It seems to me that what CAMRA still do not fully realise is that they are actually responsible for the very existence of the craft beer movement.

The concise history of it reads something like this -

CAMRA flexed their muscles and forced beer to be tasty...

Our American friends went crazy over the results...

They were inspired and got super creative...

The whole world went crazy over those results.

In other words, CAMRA and Craft Beer are genetically linked. They are parent and child. The rebirth of keg is something CAMRA should be taking credit for, not fighting against.

The very involvement of keg in this new movement is actually more out of accident than design. Keg simply became involved because America, where all the fevered experimentation initially kicked off, doesn’t really do cask. Most of the USA is too hot to keep cask beer in good condition and besides that they've always preferred their brews chilled.

Keg, simply put, comes naturally to Americans. It is not, nor has it ever been their devil.

Ask a US craft beer enthusiast what their enemy is and they'd almost certainly say 'Big Beer', by which they'd mean bland corporate beer, or in other words – they have exactly the same perception of the enemy as CAMRA did when it was first formed.

Because boring beer is the true devil. It always has been.

Good beer has always been the messiah.

Cask, keg, bottle or can. Beautifully brewed beer is what we want, and what we will all continue to strive for, together or apart.

It just seems to me that 'together' makes a huge amount of sense, and 'apart' makes absolutely none at all.

CAMRA champions Real Ale, be it from bottle or cask. They always should. May that never change.

But the Great British Beer Festival should showcase all good beer, and CAMRA should open the door to some guests who share so many of their ideals, but also have a few different ideas too.

Good beer in kegs wasn't around ten years ago.

It is now.

Now we have two entirely different versions of fantastic British beer.

Let's all join forces and really show off.

Let's really show the world just how good this country is at creating beer.

British Cask and proper British keg, side by side, would surely make one hell of a spectacle.

A mouthwatering statement to the globe which we can all reunite behind.

Now that really would be a 'great' festival.

The greatest beer festival in all human history. And no other nation could say otherwise.

The most important thing is that CAMRA doesn't need to change in order for this to happen.

Not one bit.

The next time it throws its giant annual party, all CAMRA needs to do is add a guest list.

The results could be quite extraordinary.

Still Great, But Needs A Haircut.

By the 1970's the Edinburgh International Festival was the the daddy of it's kind. It could rightfully claim to be the greatest arts event in the world at that time.

So many thought it very mysterious when in 1974 - at the very height of this success - huge numbers of people grouped together to form an alternative arts festival in very same city.

Why was this? Why would you create a brand new arts festival when the biggest in the world is already on your doorstep?

More importantly - why did this new alternative festival quickly grow to become even bigger than the Goliath it was meant to challenge?

I'm talking, of course, about the Edinburgh Fringe - which has independently become the biggest single arts festival in the entire world.

The reasons behind its creation were actually quite simple. This evolution happened because those plucky upstarts clearly believed that the original festival - in spite of its enormous size - was not catering to all tastes, and was unfairly marginalising certain groups who felt they needed - and deserved - an equal voice.

Sound familiar, my beer loving friends?

Of course it does.

Look, let me first say this. Yesterday's trade session at The Great British Beer Festival 2014 was indeed 'great'. There was no sense of impending doom which many would have predicted. Lots of 'craft-centric' breweries were present with certain of their brews (served only from casks, naturally) and with forward-looking firms like Oakham and Salopian winning medals nobody could argue that the door is still entirely closed on progress.

But I'm going to argue it anyway.

Because I can't help it.

Because the noisier and more gigantic this giant festival grows over the years, the more I feel the sense that it needs to quiet down and get a haircut.

It needs a fringe.

By not allowing the craft beer movement to showcase itself - in the way it would choose to - the GBBF is effectively only presenting a version of what is great about beer. To my eyes, it's the version which is currently less representative of what's exciting about British beer. If anything, The Great British Beer Festival already IS the fringe in that respect, and it's the new mainstream which is being left out in the cold.

It's kind of ironic. The Campaign For Real Ale, who run this giant sideshow, were once the plucky rebels themselves.

But if it continues with it's Craft-wary approach, CAMRA will only succeed in emulating its own vision of 'the enemy' - a dominant group which forcibly influences and controls the way in which we all drink our beer.

In short - CAMRA is in danger of becoming the very same kind of beast which it was created to destroy.

In the bad old days (which CAMRA fought so hard to change) the industry standard was "bland keg or nothing". But having won that long fight against a lack of choice, CAMRA are now being every bit as restrictive about what should be acceptable to drinkers. Even after 'bland keg' has been lovingly reinvented by consciousness brewers with abundant talent. 'Bland keg' is now 'craft keg', and the latter is often utterly delicious.

Yet, still it remains "Cask or nothing" and even worse -

"Cask or it's not proper beer."

Most people reading this know that such claims are no longer accurate. 

That kind of terminology felt right about ten years ago. It stopped feeling right about five years ago.

Cask is no longer the only delivery method which 'proper' beer drinkers believe in. Any claim to the contrary is simple myth making. It's spin. It's smoke and mirrors or the Emperors new clothes. Unless CAMRA acknowledge the passing of time, unless they embrace the continuing evolution of beer, all we will have had is a straight swap of demon for demon.

There is a legacy at stake here. A great legacy, which stands at risk of being forever lost or undermined.

So - I'm calling out the heroes.

Those same heroes who saved us all from poor beer in the first place.

We need them to don their capes and Lycra tights now more than ever before. They need to keep doing what they always have been doing - showing us mortals what to do. Teaching us all which way we should go. We have grown accustomed to looking to them for direction. But right now, they're using an outdated map, and thousands of decent beer loving folk are being given no alternative but to find their own way.

It doesn't have to be like this.

I'm sure everyone would be happy to have CAMRA continue to lead the way, they've done so with aplomb for decades. But the reality is that unless that old map is updated, and soon, I fear fewer and fewer people will feel sufficiently confident that theirs remains the lead to follow.

So, CAMRA, you have two real options...

1: Stop behaving like your old enemy and allow these new ideas to sing. Take away the need for a rival 'fringe' which would grow independently mighty and threaten the 'Greatness' of your own festival. Get craft keg on the list for 2015 and win back a whole lot of friends and fans. Simple.

2: Carry on as you are. There are already 'craft beer festivals' gaining in popularity each year, one will inevitably evolve into the main alternative event on a national level. Let the disgruntled card carrying members continue to drift away - when they'd really prefer to stay. Heartbreaking and avoidable. 

That's how I see it - I know I'm one among many.

I hope common sense can prevail and that all lovers of fine beer can rejoin as one before very long.

Whilst CAMRA remain dominant, it's up to them to take the lead on this. I love to see them do that.

We have them to thank for where we are today. The dark past is long past, and CAMRA made it so.

It's up to them now to decide whether they want to remain as influential in the future.

  

My Cure For Twitter Jitters.

I'm writing this blog entry on my phone.

Now there's a sentence you wouldn't have read twenty years ago!

It's perfectly true though, all thanks to an 'app' version of Blogger which (theoretically) makes it 'simple to blog on the go' - for whatever reason you might feel the need to do such a thing.

Those aforementioned twenty years ago, "blogging on the go" might have been little more than a coded expression for using the toilet at a motorway service station. Nowadays it means broadcasting random personal thoughts via telephones. Does that imply progress, I wonder? Both definitions involve letting out crap, I suppose.

Anyway, this is just a quick service station toilet visit - partly to test this new technology, but chiefly to announce that my Twitter 'handle' has changed from @BottledBeerYear to @RealMarkDexter. 

This change has happened for various reasons, but it's mostly a way to reduce the amount of times I have to explain my username to those who don't know about this website (and the secret love of fine beer which it so willingly betrays!)

It makes absolutely no difference to you lot - the Twitter account is exactly the same in every other way - it's really just like a new address for the same old house, but apparently after making such slight changes it's considered polite to simply let folk know about it.

Which you do. Now.

So, if I can work out how to actually post something from this new app, I guess I'll go right ahead and do it.

Which makes me wonder if 'posting' is now the service station equivalent of 'pulling the chain'?

I'll let you be the judge of that.

Let Google Do The School Run.

The folks at Google get a lot of things right.

For a start, they don't work for Facebook – which is possibly the single best idea any technically-minded humanoid could ever have.

Other good things they've done include the inexplicably legal snooping tool 'Google Earth', their search engine is clearly reasonably popular too, and personally I also prefer their web browser Chrome which, thanks to its 'Incognito' setting, allows me to indulge my passion for Barry Manilow videos without a single other person in my household ever having a clue.

But like all successful companies from this (third) 3D Age, even the mighty Google can make the odd catastrophic blunder, and the Self Driving Car (further details of which were announced today) is just the latest turkey to jump the fence of Google's funny farm.

As someone who likes to keep the door ajar for all things sci-fi, you might have thought I would welcome such futuristic vision, especially when it comes from a company with a proven track record in technology development. The problem here is that Google clearly never sent out the memo reminding their staff that certain 'futuristic visions' are supposed to remain as precisely that. They are not meant to actually happen. I mean, we're not really meant to go on holiday with robots, it's just a handy way of making movies feel edgy and dark. What today's announcement shows is that some overexcited puppies at Google see the likes of Skynet from the Terminator franchise as some sort of corporate goal - as opposed to the nightmarish cautionary tale that the screenwriters intended - and these same little wag-tailed dogs are actively endeavouring to make sure all that horrible scary stuff really does happen.

Basically, today's news update from Google's Attention Seeking Division tells us that (contrary to earlier news updates) Google are not going to adapt previously built vehicles, but are to build their own child maimers right from scratch.

Let's be clear. These cars will have no pedals, no steering wheels, and no other controls whatsoever except for a single 'Stop/Go' button.

Read that sentence again and then imagine tomorrow's school run.

Now, safety is obviously paramount in the minds of these Google pups, but that shouldn't be a problem because computers never go wrong. Especially not one's running software created by Google.

Stop laughing and consider this.

You get into cars without controls all the time. You've been doing it throughout your entire life.

It's called being a passenger.

Almost every week of our lives we entrust our destiny into the hands of ultra-fallable human beings, many of whom will have crashed a car at least once before you settle yourself into the seat beside them.

Wouldn't it feel just a little bit safer to be entrusting your life into the hands of a series of massively powerful, state-of-the-art microchips, all working in tandem to achieve what for them is an infinitely simple task – and each of them doing this whilst simultaneously monitoring each other's efficiency and performance every inch of the way?

Well, if you think that scenario might appeal more, let me run a quick scenario...

You are driving along (being driven along?) in your Self Drive Google Car, which is incapable of error. Suddenly, up ahead, a human-driven car veers onto your side of the road – driving the wrong way on a collision course directly toward you. The driver of the vehicle seems unconscious and is unlikely to take steps to avoid the collision with your car, which will happen in seconds.

What does your Google car do?

Burdened with the extra imperative 'never to make a mistake', does it move to the left and mount the pavement – on which pedestrians are walking? Does it veer to the right – into the path of oncoming traffic? Or does it make neither of these two risky choices and elect instead for the only option which leaves it blameless at the subsequent enquiry – namely to make an emergency stop.

By choosing the least 'wrong' option – the result is that you die, so do your two kids and the driver of the oncoming car – but the Google car did absolutely nothing wrong and Google's reputation is safe.

A genuine human tragedy, and an absolute triumph of tech.

Putting an error proof car onto roads with cars which make mistakes all the time is simply not going to work. To me, that's obvious.

The only thing Google can be thinking is that one day only their cars will be on our roads. This, I agree, would hugely reduce the number of accidents on those roads – possibly to zero – but taking a seat in a car without controls is going to be a giant leap for humankind, way more of a leap than it took this turkey to fly the fence of Google's funny farm, and can any of us really picture ourselves letting Google take our kids to school any time soon?

I just can't see it happening. And frankly I don't even mean 'yet'. I mean ever.

Ultimately though, amongst all the horror that lurks beneath the surface of today's announcement from Google, one aspect above all really got me fighting to keep my breakfast down.

They are going to give these non-controllable self-driving cars 'smiley faces' in order to “help people accept the technology”.

Genius.

Amazing that nobody ever thought to paint smiles on electric chairs.

My 'Top 5' Craft Beers in LA

Over the last twelve months I spent a total of six weeks in and around Los Angeles, sampling contemporary American beer whenever I deemed it appropriate to do so. (Nearly always.)

A beer-loving statistician might argue that this is not possibly enough time to get a full perspective on the US craft beer scene and I'd usually be among the first to agree, but by the end of my most recent trip over there, I reckon I've been sufficiently exposed (and sufficiently well advised before any exposure) to feel confident enough to list the best five brews I have come across on American soil.

As a bottled beer themed website, I wanted to limited the list to those beers which can be bought in bottled form, but some of these are either too new or too 'niche' to have made it onto the bottling line, but assurances were given to me that most of these will be both 'on tap' and 'under cap' within the very near future.

And so, in no particular order...


Avery - 'Maharaja' (Imperial IPA)





The undisputed talk of the town in Hollywood and its near neighbours, I first tried this at the marvellous Stout Burgers & Beer on Cahuenga Boulevard shortly after seeing a burst of frenetic activity behind the bar which (it turned out) had been triggered by a fresh consignment of this beer finally being hooked up to a tap. Moments before this excitement began I'd ordered something else entirely, but the bartender brought me Maharaja instead because "This is something you just have to try..."

She was right. With this beer, Avery have probably elevated the IPA to a point beyond which it will simply have to be called something else. Technically an 'Imperial' IPA, which loosely means it's had a multi-stage ramping up of strength, flavour and general awesomeness, and weighing in at a fairly hospitalising 10.4 ABV, this is quite simply the mothership of all other beers wearing those three ubiquitous capital letters. Of all the double, triple, quadruple or bigger India Pale Ale's in the known universe, there is none better than this masterwork of creativity.


Angel City - 'Angelino IPA'





Just arriving in the bars of Los Angeles, this beer is about as enjoyable a drink as I've tasted in recent times. With shades of Thornbridge's sublime 'Kipling' and BrewDog's 'Punk IPA' this is an exquisitely crafted highly hopped beer which is impossibly easy drinking and comes imbued with a sense of freshness which is peerless in my experience. Without doubt, Angel City will be a dominant craft brewery in two years time. No question.


Dogfish '90 Minute IPA'





This brew is already a big fish having recently been voted Best Craft Beer In America (I forget who by, but whoever they are I can't really argue with them). It's another of those US IPA's that can only really be enjoyed in small amounts due to the crazy levels of alcohol they come armed with, but the bewildering array of flavours at work here make that small amount truly memorable. It's not a one-trick-(hop)-pony like some modern IPA's can justifiably be accused of being - there are dynamic spices, funky herbs and all kinds of malt-derived deeper flavours that add up to a mind-bending showcase of brewing ingenuity.


North Coast 'Old Rasputin' (Imperial Stout)





They might not win as many headlines, but it's worth pointing out that the 'dark' beers in the US craft movement are every bit as impressive as the hop bombs. Some of my most pleasant surprises on the Pacific Coast have been in reaction to stouts and porters, many of which could give anything I've ever tried in Dublin or London a decent run for its money. However, I won't try to pretend might that I paid as close attention to the darks on either recent trip - although this is a state of affairs I intend never to repeat! Of the relatively few 'roasty toasty' brews I sampled Old Rasputin was a stand out, and it had me nodding my head sagaciously right from the off. Everything you'd want from a stout with a whole load of elements you never dreamed you'd want. A very clever beer.


Bear Republic - 'Cafe Racer 15' (Double IPA)





Most often found at The Blue Palms Brewhouse on Hollywood Boulevard, this beer is every bit the challenger for Maharaja's reputation as the best Imperial/Double IPA around. What we have here is essentially the big sister to Racer 5 - the much lauded brew which careered around the globe winning the hearts of relentless hop-fiends everywhere. In short, if you enjoyed Racer 5, imagine a beer that's almost exactly three times as good. Nuff said.


Notable others -


Russian River 'Blind Pig' (IPA)

A lower ABV India Pale Ale which sacrifices little in terms of flavour impact but comes with the advantage of being drinkable in amounts greater than two smallish glasses per evening. (A concept still largely ignored by most US craft breweries, who continue to focus almost entirely on high-alcohol brews!)



Stone 'Ruination' (IPA)

A beer which emphasises my previous point rather beautifully!

Famously powerful, and supposedly every bit as rare. Nonsense! It's available in singles or in four packs in Los Angeles if you take a while to find the right supermarket.

We've All Been Badgered!

Last week, the beady-eyed Pub Curmudgeon spotted that Badger Brewery had harnessed the power to rewrite history.

Many of you will know the (now famous) story behind the naming of their widely admired beer 'Tangle Foot'.

Basically, the label told us that the head brewer stumbled slightly at the end of a tasting session, having succumbed somewhat to the inevitable effects of several mouthfuls of beer.

But let's be absolutely clear here.

This was beer which he was obliged to taste in significant amounts in order to properly assess the quality and character of a product which he was chiefly responsible for.

Simply put - he was doing his job.

A vital part of his job.

We wouldn't want to hear that the head brewer of a highly renowned company had merely sipped the drink before approving it and shipping it out across the world. We want to be sure that he has sat with at least a couple of back to back glasses to fully gauge how the drink's appeal changes over a period of time.

I would never review a beer that I'd merely sniffed, and I wouldn't expect the senior person in the brewhouse to do anything similar.

But it seems that Badger have recently developed a sense of shame about this story.

Because they've changed it.

Recently modified Tangle Foot labels tell us that the head brewer did not in fact stumble due to the effects of alcohol - but that he actually tripped on his dog's lead.

I just laughed out loud when typing that last sentence.

Dog?

Lead?

What in the name of God are they talking about?

So many questions are triggered by this - but before you take a look at the two labels (shown below) - here are the questions I'd most like to focus on...

Were those original labels factually incorrect, meaning the new one's are merely setting the record straight?

Or - has the new version merely been altered to suit some present day politically correct agenda?

And if that is so - does this mean that the job of a head brewer is no longer politically correct? Should all head brewers now feel ashamed about carrying out certain aspects of their vital jobs?

Finally, could it just be that both stories are utter nonsense, in which case why not just drop the entire 'tale' and re-brand the beer properly, instead of quietly changing supposed 'facts' hoping nobody notices?

If nobody noticed, it would mean nobody cared in the first place. But many people did care, and those people are now feeling pretty foolish for believing this historical account for all these years.

As I've already said in the comments section over in the Pub Curmudgeon's article, I've absolutely had it with Badger until they either rectify this or explain it. My ardent Badger boycott started last week and it continues.

But now, for your perusal, here is the damning evidence courtesy of my local ASDA - who continue to stock old branded cans and new branded bottles side by side, along with their old and new versions of the truth... (click on the pictures to expand - or find full transcripts at the original Curmudgeon page here)

You're either laughing or crying by now.

If you're crying - or perhaps just feeling a little bit insulted - do feel free to join me in a spot of gentle boycotting.

-

A True Cornish 'IPA' Story

Look, I had intended to post a few bits from here in Cornwall during my visit, but it's all far too lovely and the pubs are far too good.

So it's going to be a four day break for the blog - and I'm far too content to care.

But here's a odd little true story to tide you over...

Yesterday, my strikingly attractive girlfriend and I went to a very lovely pub owned by St Austell's brewery. I will refrain from naming the venue, partly out of common decency but mostly because of an irrational fear of bloodthirsty reprisals. (I am still down here, after all).

Anyway, the pub was completely lovely, as was the barman, and the beer he served up was immaculately kept.

But he and I argued like dogs all the same.

Our epic bar-side battle was fought over the famous, multi award wining St. Austell beer 'Proper Job'.

I'd noticed that alongside the Proper Job pump was another St. Austell brew called 'IPA', and I remarked how interesting it was that two of the four cask ales available were IPA's.

What follows is my best recollection of the dialogue that subsequently developed....

BARMAN - How do you mean?

ME - Well, St.Austell have given you four pumps, and they've got you serving Proper Job as well as another IPA called 'IPA'.

(Short pause. BARMAN's face wears a look of friendly disgust.)

BARMAN - Proper Job's not an IPA.

(Longer pause. Much, much longer.)

(At the end of this truly colossal silence, Cornwall sinks very suddenly into the Atlantic, never to be seen again. At least, that's how it feels...)

ME - (Eventually...) Er....

(ME knows his face is in danger of wearing that very same look of 'friendly despair'. His mind races with a thousand sudden doubts about his knowledge of beer, because BARMAN works here - he actually works for St Austell - so the likelihood of him being wrong is totally minuscule. And yet...)

ME - I'm pretty sure it is.

BARMAN - It's not.

ME - It is, I promise you.

(ME knows that making such 'promises' about the classification of BARMAN's ale is risky, but he's feeling emboldened by the iPhone in his pocket which, among other things, contains his own recent review of this legendary beer.)

BARMAN - (Chuckling with indignation now because this is his job and he serves this beer all the time - so he just knows he's right...) Of course it's not. These two are totally different beers! They couldn't be more different!

ME - Yeah, that's my big bugbear issue about the name 'IPA' at the moment, it's lost all meaning with so many different ales laying claim to it.

BARMAN - Proper Job's not an IPA. The rep from St. Austell might have mentioned it, wouldn't you think?

ME - Yes. I would.

BARMAN - (Tapping the pump marked 'IPA'...) This one's the IPA.

ME - I'd say that's definitely an IPA, yes.

BARMAN - (Tapping the Proper Job pump...) This one's Proper Job.

ME - Which is an IPA too. The name refers to the use of an authentic recipe from years ago. It's meant to be a return to the 'real deal' IPA style, that's what they mean by 'Proper.'

(Another pause.)

(The first stirrings of doubt begin to flicker across BARMAN's face, and ME senses it's time to land the killer blow. He reaches into his pocket for his phone.)

ME - Let me bring in some reinforcements. I'd better check I'm not going mad.

BARMAN - I reckon you already are. (But he's sounding less certain now. He glares sideways at the Proper Job pump like it were the ghost of a dead relative...)

ME - Drat! No signal.

BARMAN - It all depends who your provider is round here. It's a nightmare. Who are you with? (He seems keen to switch subjects now...)

ME - Vodafone.

BARMAN - (Sounding disappointed...) You'll be alright with that.

ME - It keeps going in and out of reception, I'll just give it a second...

(Suddenly, from the very end of the bar, a new voice enters the conversation. A young woman has her mobile firmly in hand...)

WOMAN - Got it here.

(BARMAN's head turns abruptly towards her. Huge beads of sweat now populate his increasingly furrowed brow...)

WOMAN - He's right. It's all here. Proper Job IPA, St Austell, award winning beer based on an original recipe, blah blah blah...

ME - There we go! I have to say that's quite a relief!

BARMAN - (With admirable generosity of spirit...) Well I never!

(At this point, ME's scintillatingly beautiful girlfriend offers up the statement "He does know his stuff..." which could have been taken like a bullet by our BARMAN, but thankfully, he's all smiles now.)

BARMAN - I take my hat off to you, Sir. I doff my cap!

ME - Oh, no need for that. I'm just glad I'm not losing my mind.

BARMAN - No no, you were absolutely spot on with that.

ME - You might want to see what the brewery rep has to say about it.

BARMAN - I certainly will, yes.

(One final pause begins, but this one's a much more comfortable affair, with everyone gazing down at the row of shiny pumps in front of them.)

BARMAN - Anyway. Now that this has all been settled - what can I get you?

ME - Well, as it happens, I really fancy an IPA.

(And with that, everyone collapses into a large heap, laughing their merry heads off.)

'Project Venus' - New Beer Launched

Many thanks to the women (and men) of Project Venus for the great evening at The Eden Bar in Grantham last night.

The Project was launching it's latest beer 'Venus Rouge' - a contemporary rendition of a traditional bitter with a scintillating balance of dynamic citrus hops and sumptuously nutty malts. 

The ale was enjoyed by everyone there - including a film unit from the BBC, whose presence suggests a growing interest in this industry initiative, which is fantastic for the 'gals' - and consequently fantastic for beer in general.

For those not yet aware, the 'gals' I refer to are a formidable group of senior figures from various craft breweries who have come together to collaborate on the creation of new beers, with the intention of making women everywhere feel more 'invited to the beer party'.

This does not mean they are brewing 'beers for women' (Venus Rouge itself has many qualities which might be termed 'masculine') it's just a way of letting other women feel less like outsiders in drink-territory usually inhabited by the menfolk.

Beer is not for men.

Beer is for enjoying.

And that's something we all like to do.

It's all fairly obvious stuff really, but the fact is that the 'us and them' mentally will persist without efforts like this being made to tweak the way we all perceive things.

So far, the project has involved Sara Barton (Brewsters Brewery) Kathy Britton (Oldershaw Brewery) Michelle Haylock Kelsall (Offbeat Brewery) Sophie de Ronde (Brentwood Brewing Company) and Sue Hayward from (The Waen Brewery).

At the end of the day, if these women can brew beers as good as 'Venus Rouge' whilst also making more women feel comfortable about discovering and loving good craft beer - then I will support their cause as enthusiastically as possible.

In the often grey area of women and beer, the global players Molson Coors recently had a big idea - the already notorious Animée beer.

'Project Venus' is a far better idea.

Let's make it bigger.

The Old Boy and the New Man?

The more you drink beer, the more you'll enjoy beer.

Is this necessarily the case?

Does consuming more ale in ever-wider varieties lead to a greater appreciation of beer in general? You would think so, wouldn't you. But just to see for sure, I thought I'd run a little test.

So far on The Bottled Beer Year, I've taken a pretty close look at 110 different beers. I've looked, smelled, tasted, and contemplated time and time again, and I can safely say that no two of these drinks have been remotely the same drink experiences.

But to know if I have stayed the same myself, I decided I needed to go back to the very beginning - to the very first beer I reviewed - and review it all over again.

So I did.

Without referring to my original review, I took another look at Oldershaw's 'Old Boy.' I knew it wasn't going to be massively scientific, but I suspected it might reveal quite a bit about how I now relate to beer after trying out so many varieties of it in recent months. 

Did my greater awareness of beer shine through?

Have my tastes in beer changed?

Well, you might want to start by checking out my first Old Boy review here.

And now, without further ado – here is that (rather fascinating) second opinion...

Day 1 (Again), Beer 1 (Again) - Oldershaw's "Old Boy"

Today's Beer

Name – Old Boy

Brewer – Oldershaw

Classification – Premium ale

Strength – 4.8% ABV

Verdict - At A Glance

On the eye – Rich chestnut, infused with burnt orange.

On the nose – Fruity malts, bitter nuts and black treacle.

On the tongue – A classically styled but distinctly contemporary rendition of an English premium ale. A good malt presence and dynamic hops.

On the subject – As this is an experimental review, I'll just let Oldershaw do the talking themselves.

On the market – With the new regime now firmly in place, there's a noticeable spring in this brewery's step, and their cask versions are popping up at all kinds of 'groovy' establishments nationwide. But availability of Oldershaw's bottled range is still in the 'growth' phase nationally. Pester them directly here.

On the whole – 7.5/10

Full Review

'Old Boy' is a clever name for this beer.

'Old' is appropriate because it reflects the strong sense of tradition at the very core of this entire brew, whilst 'Boy' is the essential reminder that this beer is also very 'now', with all its zesty hoppiness and its highly nuanced array of complementary flavour themes.

The fact that my spell-checker recognises neither the word 'zesty' nor the word 'hoppiness', suggests that my PC has yet to move forward into the modern era of craft beer production.

I digress.

My point is that this beer is nicely pitched at the broadest cross section of the market, it is mindful of the needs of the traditionalist fashion sceptics and the new army of hopheads which continues to swell in numbers.

Needless to say, my spell-checker is also at a total loss with the word 'hophead'.

I rest my case.

Old Boy is richly fruity, and has a properly punchy bitterness – all underscored by some delicious hazelnut/cashew base notes. It's hearty and substantial, but also feels dynamic and immediate.

The bottle-conditioning is pretty nicely done too (I wonder if they've been tinkering with their methods over at Oldershaw...?) and the consequent 'pub served' feel of the beer is pretty impressive.

Distinguished, robust, intensely flavourful and hugely rewarding.

He's a good lad is Old Boy.

---------------------------------

Conclusion?

Well, there it is. My all-new look at that very first beer.

Needless to say, I have now compared them myself, and I was quite surprised by several things.

I rated the beer slightly higher this time, albeit by just 0.5 of a mark. It seems that spending these many months being barraged with hordes of 'yellow' massively hopped beers has not yet turned me into a 'hophead' – in fact it appears to have been a setback in that regard. This is surprising to me because in very recent days I'd started to sense a slight shift towards the 'yellow zone'.

From the two 'At A Glance' sections I learn that 'oak' has somehow become 'chestnut', but perhaps the addition of 'infused with burnt orange' gets me out of trouble there.

But the greatest differences are in the improved bottle-conditioning (which is a great relief to me) and in my greater awareness of the more contemporary use of hops, which I seem to have totally dismissed the first time around. The 'traditional feel' (which does get mentioned in both pieces and is indeed the greater contributor towards overall 'character') is all I talk about in the first review. Either I was harsh, plain ignorant, or they've upped the ante slightly in the brewhouse.

All in all, I think for my very first review the original was a passable attempt. The bottle-conditioning rant proved to be merely the first of a great many, and it was interesting to see that this huge industry nuisance was causing trouble right from the very start.

Let's hope things continue to improve on that score like they appear to have done at Oldershaw.

In the meantime, I look forward to running a similar test after another 110 beers.

But I'll have to drink them first.

Stay tuned...