Day 134, Beer 134 - Rooster's "Baby-Faced Assassin"

Today's Beer

Name – Baby-Faced Assassin

Brewer – Rooster's

Classification – India Pale Ale

Strength – 6.1% ABV

Verdict - At A Glance

On the eye – Eerie fruit cocktail. The hazy dawn after a tropical apocalypse.

On the nose – Citrus of jaw dropping clarity, vividness, freshness, immediacy and intensity.

On the tongue – Not applicable. (This fluid interacts in an altogether new way with the human mouth. Read on...)

On the subject – Many of you will know that Knaresborough-based Rooster's Brewing Company has been evolving of late, and the new owners appear to have a determination not just to improve on the considerable success of their predecessors, but also to transport the concept of beer into an entirely new dimension. This sounds like the stuff of delusion and fantasy... until you crack the lid on one of these bottles... whereupon an entire alternate universe begins emerging from within.

On the market – Just 70 'prototypes' have been produced so far, and most of those were claimed well before going on sale. I've heard that 16 are available at Beer Ritz. (Or at least they were yesterday. Don't be too surprised if they laugh loudly for an hour or so when your try to buy a bottle today...)

On the whole – 9.5/10

Full Review

I'm not going to give this beer a perfect score.

In fact, this will come as no surprise to you at all, as you will have already seen the score I've awarded to it and noted that it is not '10/10.' 

However, in spite of your prior knowledge, I felt I just wanted to add a little extra emphasis to the point. I want it to be perfectly clear that this beer is not going to be the first beer to get the biggest possible rating.

Oh no, no, no.

It is absolutely not going to be that beer.

No way.

I mean, what beer ever could be 'that beer', speaking rationally?

To score 10/10 would imply that the beer in question was perfect, and nothing - not a single thing whether in the natural world or the contrived world - can be accurately described as 'perfect'. It seems not even God was audacious enough to give perfection a try.

'Perfect' doesn't even exist in any real sense. It's merely a concept, entirely of human design. A fantastic and impossible ideal for us all to waste our time searching, striving and dying for.

Perfection is more of a motivation tool. A metaphorical dangled carrot. It's not an actual state of being.

So to suggest that a mere alcoholic beverage could suddenly pop into existence and defy all logic and possibility would be plain silly, and I'm not prepared to look silly for any drink, not even an outstanding one.

But making the decision not to award this beer a perfect score has presented me with a significant problem, because as a direct consequence I'm now faced with the near impossible task of having to find fault with it.

I'm going to have to identify an element of this beer that is manifestly not perfect, and as much as it pains me to admit it, there is a very real danger that my search for such an imperfection is going to preoccupy all the remaining years of my life.

Talk about a 'raw deal'.

But, for now at least, let me set aside what is not wrong about this drink and focus instead on what is oh so abundantly right about it.

I'm referring to it as 'it' because as much as I love the name 'beer', it just feels clumsy and awkward when applied to this fluid. It's not that 'beer' feels inadequate, it just that it doesn't feel altogether 'up-to-speed' or 'on message' in terms of being a relevant identification. It's almost as though this drink has brought the evolution of beer to a point where it is in need of a new description for itself. A new name. This just isn't beer anymore, not in the sense that all other beers have been up until now. Of course, a great many beers have helped to lead us to this point, and I personally (like many others) give credit to our American friends for triggering this transformative phase in beer's life, but I think this could be the drink that finally draws the line in the sand and steps right over it.

Baby-Faced Assassin is the latest and best evidence that we are in entirely new territory now. It has made it finally feel official.

Upon opening, this beer (which, for the sake of clarity, I'll go back to calling a 'beer') offers forth rich vapours of vivid tropical citrus fruits with a sense of clarity and freshness which significantly outperforms every other beer on the market. It's almost as though an entirely new process has been used to generate this effect. The fact that these aromas also happen to be extraordinarily delicious is almost a side-issue - so overwhelming is the impact and immediacy of the experience. It's one of those smells you can't quite believe is happening.

The great news is that all of these aromas translate directly into the taste, and there's a gargantuan heap of bonus flavours backing up the fruits, thanks in no small measure to some supremely refined and delicate malts.

Bitter, sour, sweet, dry, crisp, rich, savoury, spicy, herbal, light, dark, up, down, left and right, backwards and forwards - it's such an endlessly complex flavour package overall. I'm quite sure you could gather ten people and have them list over a hundred flavours between them, or perhaps even a hundred each. For me, it's those fruits (with blood orange and grapefruit being the most dominant) and the softly spicy, softly herbal bitterness of various 'woody' 'grassy' and 'seed-like' themes which make the strongest impressions.

The body is very 'now' in feel, in as much as it gives you the impression that its in the very early stages of a journey toward becoming a solid. It's not heavy, but it there's a density, rather like you find in a freshly squeezed orange or grapefruit juice. (Which is a very apt analogy on many levels in this case.)

To say you have to try this one for yourself seems not only trite, but also unfair – as only this run of 70 bottles has ever been produced so far. The only silver lining there is that this beer is so ceaselessly exquisite that it will surely see itself in full production before very long.

My only concern about that is that some of the more finely-tuned aspects might be lost in mass production. A needless worry perhaps, but the sense of 'hands-on' craftsmanship here is more than palpable, and it would be a disastrous loss. You can literally taste the thought, the talent and the time that has been invested in this beer. It smacks of the same meticulous attention to detail that is found in a Fabergé Egg, or a Swiss pocket watch.

Elegant, dignified, outrageously classy and enormously enjoyable.

This really is beer of an entirely different kind.

It's a 750ml monument, built to mark a point in time wherein beer itself took an extremely positive forward step into an entirely different era.

This is Next Generation Beer.

It's still not getting that perfect score, but it's going to take many long years of painstaking fault-hunting before I can ever hope to explain why.

Day 127, Beer 127 - Samuel Smith's "Old Brewery Pale Ale"

Today's Beer

Name – Old Brewery Pale Ale

Brewer – Samuel Smith

Classification – Pale ale

Strength –5% ABV

Verdict - At A Glance

On the eye – Sumptuous deep amber. Truly archetypal.

On the nose – The closest aroma to a draft ale that I've yet discovered in a bottle.

On the tongue – Dry, sharp, nutty, spicy, satisfying, and pretty near perfect.

On the subject – Like a great many other humanoids, Samuel Smith is one of my all-time favourite breweries, but it seems there's been something very strange and unsettling hanging in the atmosphere around this British institution during recent times. A fair number of the staff either run or support an unofficial website which has been known to display the company initials 'SS' in a highly provocative way, which pretty much yells 'Help!' and 'Steer Clear!' at equal volumes. I've been glad to see this website mellowing slightly of late, and I hope this signals some positive internal change. The beer's still mighty good, but one wonders how long that could continue in what have clearly been some very fraught corporate circumstances.

On the market – Suspiciously hard to come by at present. There's no online brewery shop, which you may find odd for a company of such global repute, and a portion of the staff would seem to agree with you on that score. Try Only Fine Beer.

On the whole – 9.5/10

Full Review

If you were to tell me that this beer alone was responsible for the recent explosion of the craft beer scene over in the USA – my face would register no surprise.

That's probably because my face has already had to deal with such claims way, way too many times.

My face is over it.

This beer, along with a handful of other British ales like Marston's Pedigree, Fuller's London Pride, Bateman's XXXB and Draught Bass – often get slipped the credit for inspiring the rise of the 'new wave', a wave which (as irony would have it) has caused these very same beers to be seen now as totally 'old school', and as representatives of everything that is wrong with the beer scene.

How amusing great beers like this must find the passing of time.

How tickled they must be by fashion, and it's forever ebbing tides.

Anyway, for those of you wondering how such an outmoded old brew could ever be indirectly responsible for the creation of the instant modern masterpieces which we all fawn over today (and I fawn as much as anyone) - let me try to explain.

Quite simply, this beer is an inspiration because it is monumentally good.

I think that explanation covers everything.

This being said, though, I was actually a little bit jittery when it came to opening this bottle.

I've been on quite a journey since The Bottled Beer Year began, and I've noticed huge shifts in my own relationship with beer, and in what I recognise as being excellent or utterly indifferent drinks. All these trendy new 'yellows' and 'blacks' have impressed me immeasurably, leaving me miles away from where I stood only a few months ago in terms of personal preference. I've also revisited some 'old favourites' recently and found them to be just a bit tired, 'lacking' in various ways, or generally underwhelming. Coming back to these cherished ales was becoming an increasingly disillusioning experience.

But not today.

Oh boy, not today.

This is just too much of an all-round beer experience. It's the genuine article. The real deal. Regardless of when it was first brewed. All of the elements are too well placed for time to make the slightest difference.

What was good about it years ago - is every bit as good about it today.

And so, so much is good about it.

It's dry, bitter, replete with nutty malt substance, and hopped sharper than nails.

It is as vital, as immediate, and as abundantly flavoured as any newcomer. The taste may be familiar, but make no mistake, that familiarity is not a fault – you are merely drinking from the original source of flavours much copied throughout the years since.

This is not just another tired old taste.

It's a liquid legacy.

On your knees, mortal. Show some respect!

But now that I've unburdened myself of all this enthusiasm and goodwill, I'm going to toss a grenade at the dance-floor by adding that this bottled version is a bit gassy. In the grand scheme of  things, it's really nothing more than a thorn in the little toe of a god, but it would be nice to see this product bottle-conditioned. In fact, so nice would that be, that it's something I'd like to formally suggest to the brewery right here and now.

But given the apparent problems within the 'SS' at present, I don't expect that suggestion to bear any fruit any time soon.

That's a pity, because I think with a bit of bottle-conditioning (done properly, as I'm sure this company could accomplish with ease) this beer might have been the only drink on my chart to have scored a perfect 10.

As things stand, a joint highest score will just have to do.

Day 113, Beer 113 - Wold Top's "Golden Summer"

Today's Beer

Name – Golden Summer

Brewer – Wold Top

Classification – I'd better skip this.... (I'd like to just say 'golden ale' but, well, see below!)

Strength – 4.4% ABV

Verdict - At A Glance

On the eye – Warm straw gold. Very attractive.

On the nose – Delicious light fruit and orange zest. Almost no trace of booze.

On the tongue – A miracle of deception. (Read on...)

On the subject – Wold Top bottles seem to be cropping up all over the place in my neck here in the East Midlands, and as a Yorkshire-based outfit, this must mean they are spreading nicely nationwide. They brew beer of a very high standard, and as a company they somehow feel much more 'mighty' than 'micro'. I sense they are seeking to take their place among the major players. I also sense they will succeed.

On the market – The supermarkets in the UK are falling further and further in love with Wold Top, particularly in the North East and the East Midlands. No need for travel these days, of course, just buy online from the brewery.

On the whole – 8.5/10

Full Review

This is possibly the most overly classified beer in existence.

The label alone claims that this is a 'Fruity Amber Ale', as well as an 'English Summer Beer', and a 'Light Festival Beer', and yet at the same time it makes no mention of the standard term 'Golden Ale' - which is surely what most people would agree it actually is.

The recent shift in brand identity at Wold Top, which includes the design for today's beer as well as their gluten-free ale 'Against The Grain' – is a vast improvement in my opinion, but it's a fine line between attention-grabbing and attention-seeking, and I think this label could do with taking a few deep breaths and calming down. For one thing, a beer which simultaneously describes itself in so many different ways looks a bit like it has potential identity issues, or that it's trying to compensate for something.

But let me add right away that Golden Summer has absolutely nothing to compensate for. It is a very excellent beer indeed. In fact, I reckon that very busy label might actually be missing some far more relevant claims about this beer's classification – like 'Lovely Beer', or 'Moreish Ale', or 'Highly Recommendable Fluid.'

The truth is, after I tasted this beer, I suddenly started to see what might have triggered the brewery's need to describe it so multifariously. It really is a beer of many wonders, with an appeal which is clearly broad, but it's also an appeal which is difficult to comfortably pin down in just one attempt. In a sense, it's hard to imagine who wouldn't like this beer, but it's also hard to think of many other beers with which you could accurately compare it, to get a sense of the target market.

But whoever does end up drinking this is unwittingly setting themselves up for a potentially life-changing experience.

Because there is another word that the brewery really should have added to that label.

'Lethal'.

This chilling word brings us to the dark heart of this beer's character, and reveals the grim truth behind the difficulty in properly defining it...

This beer doesn't taste like beer.

Now, in the context of a beer review that's a pretty bold statement. But whether it's bold or not – there's nothing particularly life threatened about it, right?

So why say 'lethal'?

Well, I say lethal because of what it does taste like.

Fruit cordial.

Squash.

This so-called 'beer' tastes like the most exquisite, hand crafted, boutique-style barley water.

When you think about it, beer sort of is barley water – so to a certain degree this kind of makes sense. But the principle difference between beer and barley water is the presence of alcohol, and this is precisely why Golden Summer needs 'lethal' adding to its label.

You simply cannot detect any alcohol.

None at all.

It is as easy drinking and refreshing as a cool soft drink at a kid's summer picnic. (It could be argued that a more grown-up version of a 'kid's picnic' is a 'festival', so I can easily see where the inspiration for 'Light Festival Beer' came from.)

This beer (and I do hesitate to use that word) even looks like the most delicious glass of 'juice', and the fact that there is almost no trace of booze in the lovely aromas only further emphasises the deadly nature of this liquid.

Now, this ain't a weak beer. At 4.4% we are dealing with a brew which could potentially lay claim to 'premium ale' status (lots of very cheeky beers already do at these kinds of levels) so how in hell can there be such a noticeable absence of every one of alcohol's usual tell-tale features?

How have Wold Top disguised the booze in this drink?

Where have they hidden it?

It is a truly remarkable achievement, and I guarantee it will get heads scratching wherever this ale is being enjoyed.

But whatever the science behind the feat, the result is the same. They have conjured-up a drink which is as thirst quenching and satisfying as any drink on the planet – soft or hard – but which is also guaranteed to have you cartwheeling back to the liver donors by the end of August each and every year of your life.

If anyone can possibly summon the presence of mind to drink this one steadily, aside from a deserving a knighthood, they will also derive tremendous amounts of pleasure from what is one the most rewarding summer-styled beers I've ever tasted.

So, yes, drink this stuff by all means – but do remember to scribble '4.4%' on the back of your hand before you start.

Otherwise, prepare yourself for some serious cartwheeling in early autumn.

Day 95, Beer 95 - Wold Top's "Wold Top Bitter"

Today's Beer

Name – Wold Top Bitter

Brewer – Wold Top

Classification – Let's not bother with this bit, eh? It would only be embarrassing for all concerned...

Strength – 3.7% ABV

Verdict - At A Glance


On the eye – Vivid mango-infused amber.

On the nose – Well rounded. Dominant fruit cake, with tantalising licorice hints.

On the tongue – A sharply dry grapefruit main theme, reinforced by an array of subtly complex supporting flavours.

On the subject – Wold Top are a classic example of a brewery in the midsts of the transisition from localised micro to significant national player. I've been thrilled to watch their continued growth because I have yet to find a beer of theirs which doesn't seriously impress me.

On the market – Spreading like the most pleasant wildfire. Supermarkets have an evolving interest in these beers, but if you're in no mood to travel try on-line at the breweries own web-based store.

On the whole – 8/10

Full Review

From what I can remember from my cricket playing days (I was, mind you, a mere child at that time, and a cricketer of no class whatsoever, I might add) there are essentially three types of player in every team.

Natural bowlers, natural batters, and those who are naturals at both of those disciplines – and these are known as the all rounders.

When taking the first few sips of Wold Top Bitter, I reflected on the fact that there are – much like in cricket – three essential types of ale.

Those that are hop dominant, those that are malt dominant, and those brews in which neither of these is dominant. These latter ales are the 'all rounders' of the beer world, ales which we tend to call 'perfectly balanced'.

Once you factor in other features like medium body and rich amber colouring, you are talking about the kind of archetypal English-style beers which most breweries usually like to produce at least one version of.

This is Wold Top's version – and I'm happy to report that it really is very good one.

Dry, zesty with an abundance of subtly complex floral and fruit flavours all hovering above a sumptuous but refined granary loaf base - this a a laid back, sophisticated delight of a beer.

At 3.7% ABV, it comes perfectly pitched for session drinking, and yet the recipe feels considerably more potent, you would think you were ordering repeated jars of a beer that was well beyond session strength. That's a credit to the brewery, who have clearly exploited every flavour opportunity during the process.

This is a proper English ale to sit with and savour. 

It's modern-feeling drink, and yet reassuringly traditional.

It really is the perfect all rounder.

Day 37, Beer 37 - Wold Top's "Against The Grain"

Today's Beer

Name – Against The Grain

Brewer – Wold Top

Classification – Gluten Free Real Ale. (The 'real ale' claim is not backed up by bottle-conditioning, I feel compelled to add...)

Strength – 4.5% ABV

Verdict - At A Glance

On the eye – An almost white gold. A gorgeous, crystalline clarity.

On the nose – Excitable sweet hops. Plums and cola cubes lend a hand.

On the tongue – Easy going tropical fruits and highly pitched hops. Complex, but in no great hurry.

On the subject – Wold Top's foray into the gluten free market is part of a growing movement to accommodate those poor beer lovers who some beers hate.

On the market – A sensitive subject. But as the message gets out, so will this priceless variety of beer. Try the brewery direct.

On the whole – 7/10

Full Review

Those of you who caught my recent post on Watau's Wit Bier may recall that it was then that I finally had to accept that I had a slight allergy to beers of that particular variety.

Wheat, it appears, is not my greatest fan. At least not when it is forming the basis of some of the world's most excellent beers (...he wept.)

So, basically, the timing of today's beer could hardly have been better. But before I could properly tackle this brew, I needed to address a few long held preconceptions.

Whenever I see a beer advertising itself as being 'gluten free', my initial knee-jerk reaction usually comes in the form of a 'hmm' rather than a 'yum!'

I'm wary of them, and I start thinking of 'science' and 'medicine' in ways which make me oddly queasy. This is usually followed by some positive thoughts on behalf of those who will benefit from such products – those with allergies, Coeliacs and so on. But the bottom line has always been that I'd never dream of actually buying one.

Enter Wold Top Brewery and their recent shipment of ales which included their very nicely branded 'Against The Grain'.

I have now finished my first ever gluten free beer, and the question is – were any of my prior reservations in any way justified?

Is this as good a beer as any of those without the gluten free claim, and if so, are we on the cusp of a potential revolution in beer production?

Well, on this evidence, it may be more of a revolt than a full on revolution, but to all intents and purposes – my wariness and reservations had no business keeping me from this stuff in the first place.

This brew didn't sweep me off my feet, but it unquestionably grew on me – and how many of your favourite beers have crept up on you like that, only to steal your heart forever...?

The body is exceptionally light, and how much of that is due to the 'gluten free' status I don't really know – but whatever the cause, its a refreshing and elegant consistency which, ironically, is not a million miles away from the feel of many a fine wheat beer.

There's a slightly nervous, skittish feel to the flavours, which might hint at the odd enforced compromise or perhaps an 'experiment' too far – but the main grapefruit theme becomes increasingly dominant and it leaves you wanting more by the end of the glass.

Frankly, the beer did not simply grow on me – it literally evolved during the course of the ten minutes or so that I spent with it (some beers take much longer to finish off!) What began as a suspicion of some slightly plastic contagion, slowly transform into wonderfully subtle peppery citrus hints which were almost mesmerising by the end.

I think I need another bottle of this, along with some of the other gluten free offerings currently out there - to get a broader understanding of their overall strengths and weaknesses.

But, as a first time visitor to the very exclusive Club GF – I'm already sniffing around for full membership.