Monday 6 December 2010

Day Ten, Beer Ten - Greene King's "Suffolk Springer"

Today's Beer

Name – Suffolk Springer

Brewer – Greene King

Classification – Premium Dark Ale

Strength – 6.0% ABV

Verdict - At A Glance

On the eye – I'm just too afraid to say... (see below)

On the nose – I opted for the term 'rich fruitcake' until I read it on the label. Oh well, at least we're in agreement.

On the tongue – Bonfire toffee. Haunted liquorice.

On the subject – In their ongoing pursuit of world domination, Greene King decide to start flirting with the 'dark side.'

On the market – Widely within the UK. Got mine at Sainsbury's.

On the whole7/10

Full Review

The creatives over at Green King have classified this drink as a 'Dark Ale'.

But, believe me, if they'd only had the guts, they would have revealed this brew's true nature by naming it for what it really is...

This ale is not dark.

It's evil.

This is an 'Evil Ale.'

This liquid darkness, with it's satanic blood-red hue, glares out at you from within the glass with an expression on it's face which says to you...

What do you want, Mortal?”

The timid, tremulous answer to this question – in my case at least – was something like...

Well, I'd like very much to drink you, if you don't mind, Sir...”

...To which the beer replied with a slow and sinister shrug, sending countless chills through my every bone!

Now, as you may have already guessed, I am exaggerating but, for what it's worth – not by much!

This is one of the most brooding, menacing and frankly scary looking drinks I've ever encountered. I almost feel that if I don't review it in a positive way, this beer will 'take steps' and I just won't make it to tomorrow.

However, as fate would have it, I think there's every chance I'm going to continue living because, as well as frightening me half to death, this beer also managed to be pretty darn delicious.

The bitter sweetness of (malevolent) cherries and (evil) blackberries is wonderfully (and fiendishly) complimented with a firm base of toasted (by the fires of Hell) almonds and roasted chestnuts (of doom).

It is – if I allow myself to snap out of my cowardly stupor – a very well made beer. For want of a better word... it is 'nice'.

But you won't find me saying that to it's face – it would probably eat me alive!

Apparently, they named the beer after a 'racehorse whose odds dramatically shorten'... and that's all pretty eerie, because ever since I opened this bottle – that's precisely how I've been feeling.

Hang on a moment...

What was that noise...?

Who's there...?

Wait a second... I don't own a giant, transparent stallion!!

How did you get in here?!!

Oh no...!

For the love of God....somebody help me!!!!


Dick Richardson said...

Oh shut up and just drink it. It is nice :- )

Unknown said...

"Oh shut up and just drink it..."

The best possible advice when faced with an ale like this!